Benefactors

Mom found the life we were living difficult.  Adding the cost of her drinking, we could barely make ends meet.

She happened to know some men who had money though, let’s call them benefactors.  They would come around from time to time, or she would go somewhere with them, and then we always had more money.  I can’t say for sure what was going on, but I imagine it was not anything good or seemly.

One of these men’s name was Nick- think slicked back hair, lots of cologne, a holier-than-though attitude, and lots of money.  He gave me the creeps!

I would catch him looking at me sometimes, and it was not a comfortable experience.  The word oily pops into my head when I think of him.  He had never done anything to me overtly, my mother would not have tolerated that, but he still made me leery.


This is an on-going story of my life and some of the childhood traumas and adversities that I faced. If you would like to start at the beginning of my tale, please read four-year-old-and-mother-survives-bludgeoning-by-river-rock/, or go to the Childhood Traumas category and start at the bottom.


One night during one of my mother’s drunken parties…I had stayed up until nearly 2 am and had to go to sleep for school, and I had done all of the adult control I could handle for the night (my mother’s friends found me rude and bossy because I tried to keep her from making bad decisions)…I noticed Nick eyeing me, which was another reason I went on to bed.

For whatever reason, intuition maybe, I locked my bedroom door that night, which was not a habit of mine.  I had just started to get undressed when my door handle started jiggling.  Someone was turning the knob and pushing on the door.  Then, Nick, was knocking on the door telling me to let him in.

There was NO WAY that was going to happen.  There was a lot of loud music from the party, so I’m sure no one heard him, or that no one would have heard me yelling for my mother had I have tried.  Nick was a big man, and I knew that he could easily overpower my 15-year-old self.

He really started jerking on the door, so I got under my bed.  My first thought was to hide.  After I was tucked under there, I started to second guess my decision- what if he gets in?  He’ll be able to reach under here to get me, and I won’t have anywhere to go.

I hurriedly scampered out from under the bed and ran to my window, after some tugging to get it open (it was winter time and the windows hadn’t been opened for awhile), I jumped through without a moment’s hesitation.  I was getting out of there before he got in.

I could still hear him calling out to me and yanking on my bedroom door.  After what happened with my uncle, I was not letting that man trap me in a room alone.

So I wondered down to the swing set that was in the middle of the development and just sat on a swing and swang for about an hour or so.  I didn’t have a coat on, and I lived in the middle of the worst part of the projects, but the fear of that man getting me alone in that room was far worse than my fear of the elements of nature or my environment at the time.


Sometimes I think I can feel evil coming off of people, and this was one of those times.

Eventually I went back home, climbed back through my window, and went to sleep.  The house had quieted some, and I made sure my door was locked.  I also remembered to be sure to never let my guard down.


Please read the next phase of my story at neighbors.

4 thoughts on “Benefactors

  1. I am totally with you! I swear I could feel evil seeping out of people after my encounter. Or it could just have been my imagination. Either way it kept me safe after.
    I am so sorry your mother kept doing things to put you into danger. As I am sure you have become much stronger!

    1. Thank you as always Anne. I do believe that every horrible incident made me into who I am today, and that’s a successful woman and a pretty great mom (if I do say so myself).

      I learned from experience what not to put your kids through, and maybe learning how to feel that evil in people has kept me safe ever since! I hope it has kept you safe too!

  2. You are going to save others through your stories. Those who do not think they can get out or don’t know how – because of you – they will. Keep writing! Keep telling your story – there is a reason you blog.

Please tell me your thoughts!