Mom found the life we were living difficult.  Adding the cost of her drinking, we could barely make ends meet.

She happened to know some men who had money though, let’s call them benefactors.  They would come around from time to time, or she would go somewhere with them.  We always had more money afterward.  I can’t say for sure what was going on, but I imagine it was not anything good or seemly.

One of these men’s name was Nick.  He had thick, slicked-back hair, lots of cologne, a holier-than-though attitude, and lots of money.  He gave me the creeps!

I would catch him looking at me sometimes, and it was not a comfortable experience.  The word oily pops into my head when I think of him.  He had never done anything to me overtly, my mother would not have tolerated that, but he still made me leery.


This is an on-going story of my life and some of the childhood adversities that I faced.  If you would like to start at the beginning of my tale, please read Four-year-old and Mother Survive Bludgeoning by River Rock, or go to the Childhood category and start at the bottom.


I stayed up until nearly 2 am during one of my mother’s drunken parties, but I had school the next morning and had done all of the adult control I could handle for the night.  Another reason I went on to bed is that I noticed Nick eyeing me.

For whatever reason, maybe intuition, I locked my bedroom door that night, which was not a habit of mine.  I had just started to get undressed when my door handle started jiggling.  Someone was turning the knob and pushing the door.  Then, Nick was knocking on the door telling me to let him in.

There was NO WAY that was going to happen.  There was a lot of loud music from the party.  I’m sure no one heard him and that no one would have heard me yelling for my mother if I had tried.  Nick was a big man, and I knew that he could easily overpower my 15-year-old self.

He really started jerking on the door, so I got under my bed.  My first thought was to hide.  After I was squeezed under there, I began to second guess my decision.  What if he gets in?  He’ll be able to reach under here to get me, and I won’t have anywhere to go.

I scampered out from under the bed and ran to my window.  After some tugging to get it open (it was winter time and the windows hadn’t been opened for awhile), I jumped through without a moment’s hesitation.  I was getting out of there before he got in.

I could still hear him calling out to me and yanking on my bedroom door.  After what happened with my uncle, I was not letting that man trap me in a room alone.

So I wandered down to the swing set, sat on a swing and just started swinging.  I stayed there for about an hour or so.  I didn’t have a coat on, and I lived in the middle of the worst part of the projects, but the fear of that man getting me alone in that room was far worse than my fear of the elements of nature or my environment at the time.

Sometimes I think I can feel evil coming off of people, and this was one of those times.

Eventually, I went back home, climbed back through my window, and went to sleep.  The house had quieted some.  I made sure my door was locked.  I also remembered to be sure to never let my guard down!

Please read the next phase of my story at neighbors.

4 thoughts on “Benefactors

  • June 7, 2017 at 6:05 pm

    I am totally with you! I swear I could feel evil seeping out of people after my encounter. Or it could just have been my imagination. Either way it kept me safe after.
    I am so sorry your mother kept doing things to put you into danger. As I am sure you have become much stronger!

    • June 7, 2017 at 6:10 pm

      Thank you as always Anne. I do believe that every horrible incident made me into who I am today, and that’s a successful woman and a pretty great mom (if I do say so myself).

      I learned from experience what not to put your kids through, and maybe learning how to feel that evil in people has kept me safe ever since! I hope it has kept you safe too!

  • June 8, 2017 at 11:31 am

    You are going to save others through your stories. Those who do not think they can get out or don’t know how – because of you – they will. Keep writing! Keep telling your story – there is a reason you blog.

    • June 8, 2017 at 1:22 pm

      Thank you so so much, that’s my purpose and I hope it gets through to those who need to see it!


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